The Oscars: A necrospective

And so here we are, ingesting our yearly prescription of celebrity pornography, care of a morally questionable doctor with an attractive smile and soothing voice timber, streamlined for easy consumption by having been boiled down to a two-hour brainless extravaganza of shiny dresses, shiny skin, shiny teeth, shiny jewelry and shiny lives — an emulsified Pabulum hosted by the Good Doctor himself, Ryan Seacrest, a smiling nitwit of the highest order, successful only for being able to turn even the dullest celebrity PR bullshit into the slickest ear-warming babble, designed at its soul to cover the brain in a somastatic, intellectually-limiting poison goo that hardens instantly on contact.

And then, finally, we’re ready for the show: the longest public collective group ego wank on the Planet, designed not so much to get off on art, but the idea of art as an abstracted something, as a means, rather than an end. Rather, that is, than a substantive anything. Art that is often so meaningless, that is so much sign and so little signifier that poor old Walter Benjamin himself would likely quite happily bleed from the ears rather than even have to consider such a sad state of replicated affairs. Just a copy of a copy of a copy on into infinity, xeroxed forever in an endless nothingness of Hollywood atavism and bad, stale ideas regurgitated over and over again to young audiences as something new, and marketed equally ham-fistedly to their parents as some kind of bizarre exercise of socially constructed faux nostalgia. Just a one-note song with nowhere to go except louder, for ever and ever.

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Music 2010: The best and the very worst

I'll start off on a positive note because it all gets pretty fucking depressing very quickly on this one, I'm afraid, everyone. Best Music, 2010

1. Foals - Total Life Forever 2. National - High Violet 3. Arcade Fire - The Suburbs 4. Broken Social Scene - Forgiveness Rock Record 5. Black Keys - Brothers 6. Band of Horses - Infinite Arms 7. Jonsi - Go 8. Sufjan Stevens - Age of Adz 9. LCD Soundsystem - This Is Happening 10. Beach House - Teen Dream

Honourable mentions: Maximum Balloon - Maximum Balloon White Stripes - Under Great White Northern Lights (Live) Girl Talk - All Day

Song you haven’t heard, but should: “Horses” - Yes Nice, Blindfolded

Shit Sandwich Award 2010 (for the Genuine Disappointment of the year): Kings of Leon - Come Around Sundown (Seriously, what in the fuck hell was that?)

After the jump, the Suck.

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What's wrong with Banksy's Simpsons intro

Like pretty much everyone on Twitter Sunday night, I was excited that Banksy had done an intro for The Simpsons. Given that the show has for the last few years struggled to regain any sense of current cultural legitimacy, involving Banksy - the noted British graffiti artist - seemed like a legitimately cool idea, even if it probably was a couple of years too late. But then I saw it. And, frankly, I don’t get the hype. Here it is, for those who haven’t seen it. Discussion, as usual, after the jump.

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